Self Inflicted
by crimsonrose666
Summary: songfic to smile empty soul's song self Inflicted Harry thinks about his self inflicted wounds


Self Inflicted

_You see these cuts and bruises  
Isn't this all so amusing  
I feel the emptiness of just another day in hell_

Harry sat in the common room trying to ignore the conversations of the happy people around him.

Why should they get to be happy when he wasn't.How could they be happy when Voldemort had returned.

He tries to ignore Ron and Hermione's snogging in the corner.He clearly remembered when they had told him they were

involved with each other.He had lied and said he was ok with it but in reality he wasn't.All they did was ignore him now.

_My life is so confusing  
I Do this to myself I'm losing  
I guess I'm only proving what every one can see but me_

He quickly got up from the chair he was in and made his way quickly to his dorm slamming the door shut. He carefully

removed a razor blade from his trunk along with a bloodstained cloth.This had become a hobby for him.Cutting himself

to temporaly relieve the pain.

_And i wont let myself be happy  
I cut myself just to feel the pain  
And I won't give up anything for you  
Im going down and no one can save me  
Im going down and no one can save me_

He smiled as he ran the blade across his skin. He loved the way the blood slowly welled up from the cut.He shivered at

the way his own thoughts disturbed him.He put the cloth over the cut waiting for it to stop bleeding.He layed back on

his bed wondering if anyone even noticed he was gone.

_I am cold my legs are shaking  
Theres no hope right now im begging  
Just one sign to show me someone out there really cares  
My clothes are soaked up crying  
Theres no doubt i know im dying  
I did this to myself and thats the part i cant believe_

As he lay there with his depressing thoughts overwhelming him he wondered what Sirius and Remus would think if they

knew about his self destructive behavior. He wondered if his parents could see him from wherever they were. He laughed

to himself thinking how a parent would be disappointed to see their child like this.

_And i wont let myself be happy  
I cut myself just to feel the pain  
And i wont give up anything for you  
Im going down and no one can save me  
Im going down and no one can save me  
Im going down and no one can save me  
_

He was disappointed when his cut stopped bleeding as he always was.He quickly put the razor and the cloth back at

the bottom of his trunk as he grabbed the photo album Hagrid had given him.He smiled as he flipped through it,his

parents looking up at him from every page.He mentally smacked himself.He had forgotten again that he had no time to

be happy.

_And i wont let myself be happy  
I cut myself just to feel the pain  
And i wont give up anything for you  
Im going down and no one can save me  
Im going down and no one can save me  
Im going down and no one can save me  
_

He slammed the book shut and put it back into his trunk. He sat back on his bed as he pulled up his sleeve tracing his scars

from all his self inflicted wounds.They were so beautiful.

_And i wont let myself be happy  
I cut myself just to feel the pain  
And i wont give up anything for you  
Im going down and no one can save me  
Im going down and no one can save me  
Im going down and no one can save me  
_

All the scars on the ouside matched all his pain on the inside.He knew heros weren't allowed to cry and therefore he

would never be allowed to vocalize his pain without being frowned upon.No one understood or even atempted to understand

what it was like to be him.

_These cuts and bruises are all self inflicted  
These cuts and bruises are all self inflicted  
These cuts and bruises are all self inflicted  
These cuts and bruises are all self inflicted_

He knew it was better if everyone was kept in the dark because no one deserved the kind of life he was burdened with.

He lay back on his bed, pulling down his sleeve as he shut his eyes hoping he wouldn't fall asleep.His sleep was always

haunted by the events of the third task where Cedric Diggory had lost his life because of him.Harry's wish came true and he

didn't sleep at all that night.

_And i wont let myself be happy  
I cut myself just to feel the pain  
And i wont give up anything for you  
Im going down and no one can save me  
Im going down and no one can save me  
Im going down and no one can save me  
Im going down and no one can save me  
Im going down and no one can save me  
_

It was nights like these that Harry was thankful for the art of cutting because he needed something to take his mind off his

interior pain.He liked it this way.He liked that all his wounds were self inflicted and that he was the one that had control

over his pain.He liked the fact that no one could save him.

_Im going down and no one can save me  
_


End file.
